Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
