I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
