For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
