that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Congratulations! We have a period
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