I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
