Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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