found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
