Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
