so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
