I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
