i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
