i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
