Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize