sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
