Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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