Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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