I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
