Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize