i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
