My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
