You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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