I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize