I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
