Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
