Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
