2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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