Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
