What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize