i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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