So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
