I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
