how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
