it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
