she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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