If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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