i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
