Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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