at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i now understand why vodka
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
