her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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