Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Terrible idea I love it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
