party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
