It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
