She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize