similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
