Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
