Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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