It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
