i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize