Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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