i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
