Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
