now i know why i became what i already was.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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