I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
