All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
