im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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