We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
