you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
