gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
