I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize