just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
