I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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