Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think i got beer on your cat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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