I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
