it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
