my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
