I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
