what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
