Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
