what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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