Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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