i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
