a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
