THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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