I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
