He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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