U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
