seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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