at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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