first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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