so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
