sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
