I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
