your thong is hanging out like whoa
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
