She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
