I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
