i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
