Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
