He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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