I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
