i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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