I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
