is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
