i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
