He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
