so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
