Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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