And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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